Comedy Thread

[FuZZ1L0G1C]

Dave is visiting some friends near Hawkes Bay, New Zealand.
While driving around, they decide to climb up a nearby hill.
Unfortunately, his friend gets bitten by a deadly snake.
The man is lying prone, groaning in pain, sweating and shivering.
Panicked and worried, Dave immediately dials emergency services.
"Hello, Emergency Services - how may I help you"?
"My mate just got bitten by a poisonous viper - please come quickly!"
"Ok sir, what is your street address"?
Dave asks one of the friends standing nearby.
"Hello miss? ... Its on a hill near Blackridge Road".
"How do you spell that"?
"Its B-L-A-C-K-R-I-D-G-E".
"Ok thank you, sir. Where are you"?
Dave asks the friend.
The friend replies:
"Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateaturipukakapikimaungahoronukupokaiwhenuakitanatahu".
Dave says "Hello miss"?
"Yes"?
"I have a white pickup truck - meet us at Clinton!"

 

[73's de Edd]

 

[Ian]

Spot anything wrong here?

 

[73's de Edd]

Nope, just the normal holding protocol . . . . .IF . . you were using an ETCHING TOOL . . . . .

 

[bushtech]

Well, if she was holding the soldering iron between her lips she'd be Hot Lips Hoolihan!

 

[FuZZ1L0G1C]

"Daddy, are there blisters normal"?

 

[Tha fios agaibh]

She's just discharging static.

 

[davenn]

 

[ChosunOne]

There is nothing wrong in the picture above of the girl using her flesh-colored steel prosthetic hand to do bench work.

 

[davenn]

 

[73's de Edd]

 

[73's de Edd]

73's de Edd

 

[kellys_eye]

I treasure the Epipen my mate Dave gave to me with his dying breath. He seemed very insistent that I should have it.

 

[bigone5500]

I treasure the Epipen my mate Dave gave to me with his dying breath. He seemed very insistent that I should have it.

This commands a face-palm...

 

[davenn]

 

[davenn]

 

[73's de Edd]

How I learned to mind my own business . . . . . .

I was walking past a mental hospital the other day, And all the patients were shouting, ’13….13….13.’
The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little knot hole in the planks, so I looked through to see what was going on….. Some idiot poked me in the eye with a stick!
Then they all started shouting ’14….14….14’…

 

[73's de Edd]

I was at the bar the other night and overheard three very hefty women talking at the bar.
Their accent appeared to be Scottish, so I approached and asked, “Hello, are you three
lassies from Scotland?”

One of them then angrily screeched, “It’s Wales! Wales, you bloody idiot!”
So I apologized and replied, “I am so sorry. Are you three whales from Scotland?”

And that’s the last thing I remember.

 

[davenn]

hahahaha

 

[Ian]

100% real working perpetual motion machine....