Comedy Thread

[donkey]

I saw a guy at work the other day with a blackye. I asked how he got it. He responded "just a misunderstanding with the wife"
I pressured him to explain. He said " we were walking together and I said to her 'hold my handbag', she responded with 'YOU IDIOT you don't have a handbag' I retorted 'that was 2 words dear'"

 

[zoeyelijah]

Happy 2017 Miss universe

 

[davenn]

gotta love this CEO's responses

At the end of the tax year, the Inland revenue office sent an inspector to audit the books of a local hospital.
While the Inland Revenue agent was checking the ...books, he turned to the CEO of the hospital and said,
“I notice you buy a lot of bandages. What do you do with the end of the roll when there’s too little left to be of any use?”
“Good question ,” noted the CEO. “We save them up and send them back to the bandage company and every once in a while, they send us a free roll.”
“Oh,” replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way. “What about all these plaster purchases? What do you do with what’s left over after setting a cast on a patient?”
“Ah, yes,” replied the CEO, realizing that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. “We save it and send it back to the manufacturer and every so often they will send us a free bag of plaster.”
“I see,” replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all CEO.
“Well,” he went on, “What do you do with all the remains from the circumcision surgeries?”
“Here, too, we do not waste,” answered the CEO. “What we do is save all the little foreskins and send them to the Inland Revenue office, and about once a year they send us a complete prick.”


cheers
Dave

 

[John Paul]

Nerdy Humour

This is from George Takei's facebook page - thought it would go down well here

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?...05344452828349&type=1&relevant_count=1&ref=nf

Lol, I did..

 

[John Paul]

View attachment 12426

Lol...

 

[bigone5500]

Lol, I did..

Exactly how many ohms does it take for a resistor to go into its futile state?

 

[shrtrnd]

Been at this place 16 years now. Since day one there was a Planter's brand label taped to the portal over the shop doorway.
We've been through 3 supervisors since I've been here. None of them noticed, or maybe they thought it was accurate.
The label says, 'Mixed Nuts'.

 

[73's de Edd]

Waaaaaaaah . . . . .Mom just got run over with a battery:

 

[EK61]

Do you ever go to assemble a kit with like 50 resistors, half of them the same ohmage, and you half expect the diagram to just say

Another one

 

[davenn]

how to put Apple computer and useful in the same sentence?

 

[73's de Edd]

 

[davenn]

hahahaha

 

[EK61]

Satellite dish: A large round object that magically increases in size when lowered to the ground from a roof. "Now where do I put it!?"

 

[73's de Edd]

 

[73's de Edd]

Satellite dish: A large round object that magically . . . .and exponentially . . . increases in size when lowered to the ground from a roof. "Now where do I put it!?"

 

[EK61]

I very nearly used the word "exponentially"

Edit: If I go to edit this post, the quote is there, but when I save it, it's all like "Where it at doe?"

 

[Johnny Billard]

how to put Apple computer and useful in the same sentence?

View attachment 25856

I need to know where to find one of these beauties! I have a home bar that has a geeky theme to it and this would be a hilarious/awesome addition!

 

[73's de Edd]

.


I thought that I had one of those in storage . . . . but it turned out to be the next version up, that is wedge shaped and also has its monitor en situ..
Looks like you will have to go for :

http://www.ebay.com/sch/i.html?_nkw=power+mac+g4

And go to the ve r r r r r y last units in the for parts only category . . . .or watch flea markets / thrift shops /yard sales . . at a 1 in 10,000 chance.


.

 

[EK61]

What's worse than standing on a Lego?

Standing on a nail...

(Or a landmine)

 

[73's de Edd]

.