OT: The Parrot

[Jim Thompson]

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a
bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the
bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried
and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only
polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of
to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary. Finally, John was fed up and he
yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot
and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation, threw
up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer.

For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then
suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a
minute. Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the
door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's
outstretched arms and said "I believe I may have offended you with my
rude language and actions I'm sincerely remorseful for my
inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can
to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior." John was stunned at the
change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what
had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued,
"May I ask what the turkey did?"

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!


...Jim Thompson

 

[Tim Williams]

Tim

 

[Winfield Hill]

Jim Thompson wrote...

"May I ask what the turkey did?"

ROFLOL...

 

[Rich Grise]

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a
bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the
bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried
and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only
polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of
to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary. Finally, John was fed up and he
yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot
and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation, threw
up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer.

For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then
suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a
minute. Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the
door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's
outstretched arms and said "I believe I may have offended you with my
rude language and actions I'm sincerely remorseful for my
inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can
to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior." John was stunned at the
change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what
had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued,
"May I ask what the turkey did?"

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

LOL! And here, I was sitting anticipating, "Eppie in de toal hole!"

Cheers!
Rich

 

[petrus bitbyter]

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a
bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the
bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried
and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only
polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of
to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary. Finally, John was fed up and he
yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot
and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation, threw
up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer.

For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then
suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a
minute. Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the
door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's
outstretched arms and said "I believe I may have offended you with my
rude language and actions I'm sincerely remorseful for my
inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can
to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior." John was stunned at the
change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what
had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued,
"May I ask what the turkey did?"

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!


...Jim Thompson

Who repaired the light switch of the freezer? Apparently the light did not
go off when the freezers door was closed.

petrus bitbyter

 

[Glenn Gundlach]

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a
bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the
bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried
and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only
polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of
to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary. Finally, John was fed up and he
yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot
and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation, threw
up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer.

For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then
suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a
minute. Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the
door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's
outstretched arms and said "I believe I may have offended you with my
rude language and actions I'm sincerely remorseful for my
inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can
to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior." John was stunned at the
change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what
had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued,
"May I ask what the turkey did?"

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!


...Jim Thompson

ROTFLMAO

Good show. Thanks for the laugh.

GG

 

[Watson A.Name - \Watt Sun, the Dark Remover\]

Ah, grasshopper - the darkness enhances the effectiveness of the
punishment. "Hello? Dead turkey?..."

No, silly! The parrot had one of Watt Sun's Super Duper LED
flashlights!

 

[Rhett Oracle]

No, silly! The parrot had one of Watt Sun's Super Duper LED
flashlights!

Not to go too too terribly off-topic, but has anyone come up with a
battery-operated, RF-triggered, LED in a glass eye? Obviously, only people
who can wear a glass eye could use it - but if you start talking SMD and
scleral...

 

[Mac]

Who repaired the light switch of the freezer? Apparently the light did not
go off when the freezers door was closed.

petrus bitbyter

So the story features a parrot capable of reasoning and conversing
interactively with a human, but the part that you find implausible is that
the parrot can see in the dark?

Interesting. ;-)

--Mac

 

[Bill Sloman]

So the story features a parrot capable of reasoning and conversing
interactively with a human, but the part that you find implausible is that
the parrot can see in the dark?

Interesting. ;-)

Tecumseh Fitch, who knows a bit about animal language

http://www.st-andrews.ac.uk/~wtsf/

has been known to say that the African Grey Parrot is the best
non-human speaker around, and can do quite a bit better than mere
parroting.

http://www.alexfoundation.org/research/articles/harvard/harvard.html

So I guess the idea of the parrot seeing in the dark is more
implausible, because no creature's eye works in the dark.

 

[Fred Bloggs]

Tecumseh Fitch, who knows a bit about animal language

http://www.st-andrews.ac.uk/~wtsf/

has been known to say that the African Grey Parrot is the best
non-human speaker around, and can do quite a bit better than mere
parroting.

Okay- well that puts it head and shoulders above "Clarence" on the
evolutionary scale.

 

[Spehro Pefhany]

Tecumseh Fitch, who knows a bit about animal language

http://www.st-andrews.ac.uk/~wtsf/

has been known to say that the African Grey Parrot is the best
non-human speaker around, and can do quite a bit better than mere
parroting.

http://www.alexfoundation.org/research/articles/harvard/harvard.html

So I guess the idea of the parrot seeing in the dark is more
implausible, because no creature's eye works in the dark.

Maybe the parrot went through Seth Brundle's TelePod and had her DNA
fused with that of a firefly-- "Pollyfly". Or perhaps with fused with
an Angler Fish.


Best regards,
Spehro Pefhany

 

[Spehro Pefhany]

Okay- well that puts it head and shoulders above "Clarence" on the
evolutionary scale.

Ah, but can it handle apostrophes?


Best regards,
Spehro Pefhany

 

[Rich Grise]

Okay- well that puts it head and shoulders above "Clarence" on the
evolutionary scale.

The parrot doesn't have to see in the dark. It can see the turkey carcass
lying there as it's being put in with it. The Door Closes. Slam! It's
pitch black. No light. No sound. And C-C-C-COLD! Can't you just see this
poor parrot, who had just seen the turkey, saying, tentatively, "Turkey?
Uh, hello? Um, are you OK?..."

;->

Rich

 

[petrus bitbyter]

So the story features a parrot capable of reasoning and conversing
interactively with a human, but the part that you find implausible is that
the parrot can see in the dark?

Interesting. ;-)

--Mac

I always try to keep my mouth shut about things I don't understand. I heard
witnesses about talking parrots. Some told me they speak more reasonable
then a lot of humans. I had no opertunity to check it out so I keep my
opinion - suppose I have one - behind my teeth. But nobody ever told me
about a parrot that can see in the dark. I also know that even the most
sensitive equipment cannot make any light visible if there is none. So there
raised some question about the technical side of this story. That's the side
I understand and can talk about with some authority.

(I could add the advise to do the same to the members of this newsgroup. But
I leave it as it makes no sense. The ones that would follow up such an
advise do so already. All others will not do so and keep doing what they did
already.)

(I guess I know the reason we never hear a parrot in the group. Think they
don't understand electronics.)

petrus bitbyter

 

[Pig Bladder]

I always try to keep my mouth shut about things I don't understand. I heard
witnesses about talking parrots. Some told me they speak more reasonable
then a lot of humans. I had no opertunity to check it out so I keep my
opinion - suppose I have one - behind my teeth. But nobody ever told me
about a parrot that can see in the dark. I also know that even the most
sensitive equipment cannot make any light visible if there is none. So there
raised some question about the technical side of this story. That's the side
I understand and can talk about with some authority.

Um, do you understand, "It's a joke"?

(I could add the advise to do the same to the members of this newsgroup. But
I leave it as it makes no sense. The ones that would follow up such an
advise do so already. All others will not do so and keep doing what they did
already.)

(I guess I know the reason we never hear a parrot in the group. Think they
don't understand electronics.)

Oh, hell! I could name about four right off the top of my frontal lobe!

 

[Mac]

I always try to keep my mouth shut about things I don't understand. I heard
witnesses about talking parrots. Some told me they speak more reasonable
then a lot of humans. I had no opertunity to check it out so I keep my
opinion - suppose I have one - behind my teeth. But nobody ever told me
about a parrot that can see in the dark. I also know that even the most
sensitive equipment cannot make any light visible if there is none. So there
raised some question about the technical side of this story. That's the side
I understand and can talk about with some authority.

It's not a story. It is a joke. It is not meant to be realistic, and the
main tip-off is the ability of the parrot not only to speak, which parrots
are well-known to do, but to hold an intelligent conversation and to
reason at the same level we might expect from a human.

[snip]

petrus bitbyter

--Mac

 

[Mac]

Tecumseh Fitch, who knows a bit about animal language

http://www.st-andrews.ac.uk/~wtsf/

has been known to say that the African Grey Parrot is the best non-human
speaker around, and can do quite a bit better than mere parroting.

http://www.alexfoundation.org/research/articles/harvard/harvard.html

So I guess the idea of the parrot seeing in the dark is more
implausible, because no creature's eye works in the dark.

You have got to be kidding me. I mean, either you are a moron or a troll.
You snipped the original post (which was a JOKE, not a story claiming to
report factual events), but the level of conversational ability and
intelligence depicted in the JOKE were so far beyond what is possible of a
parrot that there is no point in talking about which is less plausible,
because they are both totally impossible.

My point, which I didn't think I need to make explicitly, was that the
depiction of the parrot as highly intelligent and fluent clearly put the
JOKE beyond the reach of petty nitpicks about what is and is not possible
regarding seeing in the freezer.

Besides, even parrots possess senses other than sight and hearing, and the
parrot in question could, perhaps, have detected the dead turkey using
these other senses.

--Mac

 

[Winfield Hill]

Mac wrote...

You have got to be kidding me. ...

There's got to be something more useful to discuss than this line of
thought. Well, I did enjoy the mention that no one "grabs" a parrot.
Not twice anyway!

 

[Watson A.Name - \Watt Sun, the Dark Remover\]

Mac wrote...

There's got to be something more useful to discuss than this line of
thought. Well, I did enjoy the mention that no one "grabs" a parrot.
Not twice anyway!

Thanks. That came from me - one who has had personal experience!