Happy you took my answer in the manner it was made (as a joke) - some people post on here and have no concept of irony or 'kidding'.
But, on a more serious note, do you really expect there's someone that's prepared to help
you make money at their
own (or for very little gain) expense? Generally, if you don't have the funds to pay a proper fee/wage etc then the usual route is to do it yourself.
We'd all like to have zero cost skills access - iin the modern world that isn't going to happen. People who have the skills to do what you want KNOW they have valuable skills and will charge accordingly.
Good luck with your search though
